Eternals

My review will be as lazy as this movie. Zing.

As sure as the sun will rise everyday, I will go to see a Marvel movie. This was only the third movie I've seen in theaters this year and since the pandemic started. It's no surprise that those three movies were "Black Widow", "F9" and now this. 

I was EXTREMELY skeptical of this movie. Marvel is now navigating the fringes of their catalogue since they burned through all their top sellers. This is minus X-Men and Fantastic Four properties, which they now own now. This movie seemed like way more of a reach than Guardians of the Galaxy. I was not going to see it, but of course, like I said before, it's a Marvel movie. I have a moral obligation to go see it.

So how was it? It was fine. Not great. Not terrible. There was some marvel-ness in it with the humor and the wise cracking heroes. I'll touch back on this a little later. It also was a movie that was a good stand alone. It's in the Marvel Universe, but they don't bring in any cameos or really rely on anything that has happened before. So that in itself is refreshing. However, this movie also feels pointless. I know it is setting the stage for big things in the next phase, but I don't know how many of these characters we'll actually want to see again.

I will say that this is an extremely beautiful movie. I have never seen a Chloe Zhao movie, but she was the right choice. Also, Marvel never passes an opportunity they couldn't milk. Having an Oscar winning director for their movie is sure to attract a different audience.  Since no one really knows these characters except for their tens of fans, this gave her the space to do whatever she wanted. The visuals of Celestials are striking, especially near the end of the movie. There are some wow moments there.

I think the action was standard Marvel fare. After watching the martial arts mastery and some of the hand to hand stuff in Shang Chi and Black Widow that I truly enjoyed, it's a shame I'm subjected to laser beam fights again. I may have said before, but that type of stuff no longer thrills me. Give me some good hand to hand fighting any day of the week.

I truly don't get the hate for this movie that I have heard about. I think this is an inoffensive film as far as movie watching goes. When I peel back a little deeper, there is something else that bothers me and this is where I put on my tin foil nerd hat. The problem with this movie is that Marvel has painstakingly built up this shared universe and every movie has to somehow fit into it. They act as if any of them could show up anywhere. This movie does not feel like it fits. They will now have to back pedal and explain how it is important. It is getting harder and harder to justify a lack of cameos from any of the heroes we've seen from all the movies. When you have world ending stakes as shown in this movie, it is hard to believe that not ONE of those heroes would show up here. What's the point of Avengers if no one is avenging anything? Also, these last few movies exist on a very undefined timeline, so the completist like me has their head exploding trying to fit this movie in.

The only other thing about this movie is the characters are fine. I found myself liking the actors more than who they were portraying, because with so many characters, we don't spend a lot of time with them. They all end up being archetypes anyway. You got a smart guy, a super strong guy, a flying guy, strong woman, strong man, etc. You might as well call this the legion of super tropes. Because these characters are essentially blank slates that don't get too much done with them, it is hard to root for each of them. We do see some interpersonal relationships form, but some are told better than others.

I want to touch on one last thing. I mentioned before about wise cracking heroes. I know that is Marvel's bread and butter, but it's got to stop. Not EVERYONE can be a wise guy. You can have compelling heroes without them having to hurl zingers all the damn time. I don't need everyone of my characters to be funny. In this way, this movie broke me. I finally reached my limit. They need to save the wise cracks to someone like a Spider-Man or Deadpool. The ones where that is something inherent in their character. Whew, okay. Rant over.

I've rambled on enough ,but would I recommend anyone see this movie? I think there is some merit in seeing some of this scenery on a big screen, but ultimately? Save your money. Watch it when it comes to Disney Plus and call it a day.