Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Look, I am always behind in how long it takes me to post about what I watch. It's now become a feature, not a bug. So let's just get right into it without you accusing me of ANYTHING.

Over the years, I have come to realize that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are probably my favorite property. It is easily top four with Transformers, Dragon Ball Z and Power Rangers. I can't explain it, nor WILL I. It's my prerogative. I have figures all over the damn place in my room and my favorites, by a mile, are my 1/4 sized set of the Ninja Turtles from the first live action movie. The property has been rebranded, rebooted so many times, it's hard to keep count. And I've watched nearly all of them. I enjoy each iteration.

When I heard this movie was going to skew the turtles on the younger side of their teenage years, I half rolled my eyes. I go hot and cold on Seth Rogen. I feel like I've aged out of most of his humor and I can find him very annoying. All that being said, I love this property, a movie was going to be in the theaters, so of course I was going to see it and give it a shot.

So what did I think? I loved it. It took me a while to get used to the animation style, it's like, Diet Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. We can see that this street graffiti look is here to stay and hang out for a bit, so we might as well welcome it into our lives. Once I got over the initial ugliness of some of the humans (Baxter Stockman for example), this movie really settles in. Also, before we go any further, the look of Splinter is oft-putting to me. 

I was not expecting an actiony movie like Turtles movies of the past. The action we did get was appropriate for teens just starting to get into real fights. I liked that they struggled against normal guys because they had not been in real combat before. It's a perfect example of what happens when you learn from watching videos, but then have to apply that in real life.

I also liked the arc of the characters and how they grow. It was fun watching Leonardo finally gaining the respect of his brothers as a leader. I also loved the choice of having him, not Donatello in recent iterations, fawning over April. Watching the other brothers finding their places on the team with their dynamic was also fun. There was also so much chemistry between them and it was good to not see them constantly bickering.

I was initially worried when they announced the cast of this movie and just how many characters were in it. I felt that for the first movie, they would take away too much screen from the turtles and just oversaturate the whole thing. Fortunately, they are not the focus and show up in chunks throughout the film. Honestly, they get a lot of big names for bit parts. Kind of a waste if you ask me. 

The voice acting was strong in this and I never knew that Ice Cube as himself, playing Baxter Stockman is what I was missing in my life. This was 90s era Ice Cube, which I think a lot of you would appreciate. I mean, he straight up talks about molly whopping people. Ice Cube was being Ice Cube and I'm here for it. Jackie Chan was a surprise choice, but he's had enough experience in the game that he can emote with his voice very well and he comes off as the caring father that he portrayed.

Just the theme of family and wanting to fit in definitely resonated with me, so I felt something watching this movie that I didn't think I would. I've grown softer in my later years.

Would I recommend this movie? Absolutely. Do I want to watch it again, absolutely. I feel like I might have missed some bits because I was distracted THE WHOLE MOVIE because Alamo was having an off day and I didn't get my food until 15 minutes before the movie ended. Why does this matter you say? Because I ordered ten minutes BEFORE the movie started. So I had to wait the whole damn movie to get fed and I came to the movie hungry. So I was in a MOOD and distracted, not able to fully enjoy this like I wanted to. Anyways, go see it... on demand somewhere because the shelf life of movies in theaters is obscene these days.

Shazam: Fury of the Gods

In all my anger directed Secret Invasion, I forgot to mention that I finally got around to watching this movie on HBO Max. This was my first reaction after finishing this movie. I'm going to hate that the fun type of movies like this coming from DC will probably go away under James Gunn. I think this is a character and franchise that should continue on in the new DC Cinematic Universe. 

Truth be told, I actually enjoyed this movie. I feel bad for the actor that played Billy Batson, because this movie was almost exclusively featuring Shazam. Don't get me wrong, Zachary Levi is fantastic and I'm glad he got to shine in this movie. We also get a heavy weight like Helen Mirren being in this movie. She instantly elevates anything she is in. They used her sparingly, so that when she shows up, there is an impact.

If there is one small gripe I had with this movie, is that it leaned into the trope of incompetent super heroes doing their best. Then getting super competent in the end. I don't like that hero's arc because you KNOW they will win in the end. So while played for comedic effect, I didn't like some of those pieces in this movie.

Going back to what I liked, m
aybe the family aspect really hit home for me with me having a young family now. I liked how everyone interacted with each other. I thought the special effects were also pretty good. I also love that it seems that Wonder Woman has been making the rounds in her cameos. I hate that we're not going to see Gal Gadot doing that anymore. James Gunn, you could have brought her over for your new universe. I don't want to see a cutesy cameo in a few years when you do more multi-verse nonsense

I know this is one of my shorter reviews and I will TRY to do more like this in the future. All in all, I would recommend watching this. It's fun.

Secret Invasion

He looks as bored as I was watching this show

I finished this about a week ago and I Just haven't gotten around to doing it, so here we are. I thought those days in between would help me cool off, but as I started writing, all that vitriol came back and then some. You know all that hate I typically save for DC movies. Buckle up, because that energy is being redirected to this show. Normally I am even keeled when it comes to my beloved Marvel. This was a show that I tried to force myself to like and I just. COULD. NOT. DO.IT. Beware, I'm going to have to do some spoilers here, there's no avoiding it this time.

I like spy dramas, but I've never been so bored by a spy story in all my life. Whatever magic spell Marvel used to have on me did not work this time. This show is beyond underwhelming, I was invested in literally no one and we get to see a lot of great actors get wasted. 

Now that I've let that out, let me get into more specifics about what I didn't like in this show. First of all, this is a show we should have gotten like five years ago, at the height of Marvel's powers and when we were clamoring for more Nick Fury. Now, they trotted this show out to fill a hole in the schedule. Marvel, we're okay if we get 0-1 shows a year at this point. We've gone past the point of oversaturation.

This show made me question if I was too hard on past shows like Loki or Moon Knight. Both of which I nitpicked, but I would gladly take either of those a second time over having watched this.

When Skrulls showed up in Captain Marvel, I was excited. You all know your boy is a fan of the Fantastic Four, so this felt like a precursor to them showing up. They were excellently used in that movie. Then we never really see them again until this show. A show that while expensive, seemed to follow TV show budget rules. This is a show about shape shifting Skrulls infiltrating the world's governments and there was probably 20 minutes of actual Skrull footage out of about 3 and a half hours of show. 

The whole, "we have to stay in human form so you can get used to it" conceit was such bullshit. To me that screams, "Look, the Skrull make up is super expensive, so let's just save it for brief moments and we'll get the most out of it."

Our guy Talos, from Captain Marvel movie spent the majority of his time as a Skrull in that film. So much so, I didn't know what the actual actor looked like. Here, he's just straight up playing himself. The only time we see him in his true form is when he is killed. Pretty unceremoniously. Speaking of unceremonious deaths, they straight up fridged Maria Hill. I was happy to see her back, but it doesn't matter because she doesn't make it out of the first episode. A death that was meaningless. Someone better than me can go into depth of how they did her dirty.

I'm leading up to Nick Fury, but before I get there, let's talk about the main bad guy, Gravik. I swear every third Marvel property has a bad guy who's sole motivation is, "You lied to me or treated me badly, now the whole world must pay." It was straight up mustache twirling villainy in this show. A more sophisticated story about Skrull spies turning the world against itself is instead reduced to standard comic book fare. Furthermore, we finally get a version of the Super Skrull and it is completely wasted. 

Almost to Nick Fury. I want to touch on Emila Clarke being pretty wasted in this show as well. She's Talos's daughter and they are estranged when we start. There was a lot of family drama to unpack here, but we don't spend a lot of time because I guess it doesn't serve the story. It's also some flimsy ass motivations as well. Her story doesn't come to a satisfying conclusion.

Alright, Nick Fury. The main character of the show. They spend so much time showing Nick being a step behind on everything. They talk about how great he used to be and we know it cause we've seen it. You spend five of the six episodes waiting for him to get back to peak Fury and get his iconic look. When you finally get it, you're not excited. You're more like, "It's about damn time!" only for the show to end. I don't know what it was, but Samuel L. Jackson's portrayal felt off this time. He was a lot more jokey than he ever was. It didn't feel right. Also, we have to admit that he's literally in old man, so you can't hide his old man walk anymore.

This whole show spends it's time showing how sneaky the Skrulls are, but it's never established how any of our heroes could even spot one if they tried. As if Fury didn't have some Skrull locator cooked up at some point. So there is fake tension on who's a Skrull versus who isn't. Furthermore, with a literal Super Skrull roaming around, you're telling me not ONE of those planet's heroes could show up to help out. This whole "Fury wants to do it alone" is also nonsense. You can't afford the movie actors showing up in this show is what it is. Sorry Marvel, you can't build how this is a connected universe and then conveniently exclude people when there's a world threatening event. Pick a lane. Make this story about the Skrulls JUST going after Fury then.

This show had the most whole unsatisfying ending of a show I can ever remember. Keep in mind people were upset about She-Hulk's meta ending. We get essentially a big battle between two super skrulls and I was so thoroughly unimpressed and downright bored. When it was over, I was like, "Wait, THAT was the big ending fight?" Nick Fury wins the day through a proxy, who he barely collaborated with. Good riddance.

The final thing that infuriated me about this show. In episode two, we get one of the single best conversations in MCU history (in my opinion) between James Rhodes and Nick Fury. I say one of the best because it's two black men in the mist of all this super hero stuff being real with each other in the way two black people would be. All of that is completely undercut, when you find out Rhodey has been a Skrull this whole show and potentially even as far back as the Captain America: Civil War. They leave his when that switch would have happened open to interpretation. They only say it's been for a long time.

This plot point is what I hated about the comics version of Secret Invasion. You find out that characters you invested in for years are not really who you liked after all. In the comics, they at least kept that contained to C List characters. Rhodes is an A-Tier character by default right now. This shit feels like Spider-Man's clone war back in the mid 90's that caused me to stop by Spiderman Comics for at least a decade, out of spite. 

Marvel needs to right their ship and pronto. They built up all this good will in us with their execution up to Avengers: End Game. Since then, they've been coasting on that and now that's run out. I WANTED to be excited about "The Marvels" or "Loki" season 2, but at this point, I watch Marvel stuff out of my own internal obligation versus being excited. Trust me, you can pass on this one and it pains me to say it. Find better uses for your time. Go take up art. Go watch literally any move in the world. Your time would be better spent.

The Flash

Batman should be in the front!

I know I'm late on getting to see comic book movies, but I make it when I can. It seems that they don't last in theaters long like they used to.

Anyways, I just saw "The Flash" last week and as usual, I have thoughts. When my friend, Jay, turned to me and asked me what I thought about it, my words were: "Well, I didn't hate it."

I think that is my general feeling of this movie. I'm sorry if I come off like I hate DC movies. They're just not good. And you may say, "But Kevin, you're such a Marvel zombie. You like anything they put out." You would be half right. I am a Marvel zombie. But as far as phase 4 and beyond has gone for Marvel, there were a lot of hits (Wakanda Forever, Shang-Chi, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3) and misses (ETERNALS, Doctor Strange and Multitude of Madness, Ant-Man: Quantumania) for me. Black Widow and Thor: Love and Thunder are in the middle. So the luster is coming off that diamond too.

I digress. I don't like Ezra Miller. I didn't like them in Justice League and having to get so much of them here, was a mixed bag. At times, they were good and at times they were overly annoying. At least Barry Allen's neurosis was toned down a bit after Justice League, but then we get alternate universe Barry and now we get to deal with again.

Also, for a big budget movie, the special effects were not great. Average at best. They needed a few more passes, but the CG stuntman or shots of what were supposed to be real people looked real bad. That opening scene where The Flash is saving babies put me in a bad spot for this movie. That scene was too much. I'm glad we don't get really anything like that ever again. Incoming DC Hate alert. The X-Men movies displayed the powers of speedster better with Quicksilver.

I also think that they didn't do a good job initially explaining his time travel and how he was doing it. We get an exposition dump later, but I felt like if he had talked about it first, it would have made more sense. I can only imagine what the average viewer thought when he is running in place inside of a weird bubble. It's a weird visual choice.

In past reviews, I've stated how I like more personal stories that don't have world ending catastrophe. This movie started with that intention, but then it unravels to be something that is multi-verse ending and only one dude, in all the multi-verses can fix it. They explain it away by saying in THIS universe, these are the only heroes they had. It's just a tough pill to swallow. 

I will be honest, I don't like multi-verse stuff in general. It's why I didn't like that last Doctor Strange movie either. I feel it is a lazy way for creators to come up with different takes of characters with no consequences. It can be fun, but also, they would never make those changes in the main line universe. The Spider-Man multiverse movies are my ONLY exceptions.

With that being said, let's get to the positives. Michael Keaton as Batman! Time has given me perspective on the Batman movies and he is far and away, my favorite live action Batman. I wish he had been in the whole movie and not the back half, but I will take what I can get. He just has an it factor with the role that is hard to really pin down. He elevates every scene he is in. Just seeing him in the costume, being a complete bad ass was an absolute delight. I was smiling anytime he was on screen. He was the best kind of comfort food. Despite what the DC brain trust says, he needs to be in another movie.

We also didn't get enough of Sasha Calle as Supergirl. She was pretty cool and we only get her for the back third of the movie. That didn't really give her much to do acting wise. Maybe it's enough to convince DC to let her have a full movie at some point.

Despite my complaints about the CG, it was cool to see the scene with all the multi-verse Supermen. There were a lot of easter eggs, especially a truly deep cut that delighted me. This movie also had a couple of Bruce Waynes, the last one being a huge surprise. 

A quick side note to comic book movies. Not EVERY movie needs to be a two and a half hour epic. If you can't tell your story in two hours, you're doing it wrong. The pacing of this movie is just weird and could do with some edits.

I will say that there are some good comedic beats here, but the best one for me was when Barry Allen has lost his powers and he tries to run, THINKING he still has them. It showed how ridiculous his running style is when he's just a normal dude. I know it was played for laughs and it was successful, because while it makes sense the way he runs, it looks so silly. 

In summary, this movie is what the kids would call, "Mid". See it if you want, but I can't really put my name on a recommendation for it. It took years to get this movie and I think it gets crushed under the weight of expectations. You want to like it more than you do.