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Morbius

This image is as dumb as the movie itself

I'm not going to bury the lead here. This movie is extraordinarily stupid. It should not exist. For those not in the know, Sony has the rights to a number of Spider-Man characters, but share actual Spider-Man with Disney right now. So in an effort to keep the rights, they pump out Spider-Man adjacent nonsense like the Venom movies or THIS movie right here. A movie absolutely no one asked for. Morbius is a C list Spider-Man villain on his BEST day. A sign that Sony should have moved on. Yet, here we are. I'm sure the egotistical Jared Leto thought he could somehow elevate this property. He is sorely mistaken. 

Part of my main problem with this movie is they take a stupid comic book concept and try to play it straight like it is believable. A guy is like, "Imma go get bit by a bunch of vampire bats cause science blah blah something something" and they just roll with it. Then he gets powers but is like a vampire, but not. The bats he gets bit by don't demonstrate any of these traits, but he damn sure gets super powers that get made up on the fly.

The other cardinal sin (of many), is this movie is completely predictable. You can see the villain coming from a mile away. These movies (Marvel is not exempt here) always want to make the bad guy a different side of the same coin. So instead of having a vampire fight a monster or the mafia or ANYTHING, he fights a mirror version of himself. So exciting. Also, this is one of those movies where all the problems would have been fixed by simply talking. For like ten minutes.

The most egregious offense to me, (SPOILER!)was including Adrian Toomes in a cameo appearance and as one of the stingers. How DARE you waste Michael Keaton like this. He's great in the real Spider-Man movies, but he is brought in here like he is going to save this sorry film. I was screaming, "No! NO!" when he showed up.

The special effects are about what you expect. Full disclosure, I watched this a few weeks ago and all the details are hazy other than, this is a dumb film. Should I have watched it? No. But everyone who knows me, knows I am somehow obligated to see all Marvel films, so here we are. I clearly have a problem. But not as big a problem as this movie. Zing.

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